Resources For Victims Of Domestic Violence
Links To Resources
International Resource Guide
www.hotpeachpages.net
Comprehensive List of Abuser Signs
www.drirene.com/verbal1.php
National US Domestic Violence Hotline
www.thehotline.org 800-799-7273
Romeo's Bleeding . Description of narcissistic behavior written by a therapist.
http://hcp.obgyn.net/pms-and-pmdd/content/article/1760982/1991311
Domestic Violence Research Center
http://www.uky.edu/CRVAW/index.htm
Website devoted to personality disorders
www.outofthefog.net
Gifted author on the subject of psychopat
www.psychopathawareness.com
A UK Website devoted to giving victims a voice
www.hiddenhurt.co.uk
The original power and control wheel
http://www.theduluthmodel.org/pdf/PowerandControl.pdf
An infographic depicting various forms of male violence
http://www.ncdsv.org/images/ManifestationsofViolenceUPDATED.pdf
The cycle of abuse
http://www.domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/
A short danger assessment
http://www.dangerassessment.org/uploads/pdf/DAEnglish2010.pdf
A simple safety plan, for more safety planning ideas, please read The Gift Of Fear
http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/SafetyPlan_130.html
Information on divorce and separation
http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/ofw/pdf/separation-divorce-information.pdf
Leslie Morgan Steiner: Why domestic violence victims don't leave
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1yW5IsnSjo
A comprehensive threat assessment
https://www.mosaicmethod.com/
It is imperative that we catalog domestic violence offenders
http://nationaldomesticviolenceregistry.wordpress.com/
The US Department of Justice's office on violence against women
http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/domviolence.htm
Domestic Violence Facts
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-chemaly/50-actual-facts-about-dom_b_2193904.html
Why can't women leave? The public generally believes in the myth that women are liars
http://sorayachemaly.tumblr.com/post/67465233148/how-we-teach-our-kids-that-women-are-liars
Excellent blog about divorcing a narcissist and the ensuing custody battle
http://onemomsbattle.com/
Author Sandra Brown and her research on why women love sociopaths, comprehensive information regarding sociopaths
http://www.cassiopaea.com/cassiopaea/cleckley-mos.htm
Useful information about predicting violence and using your intuition
http://pastorpauley.com/counseling/violence_prediction.htm
Infographic detailing the many fallacies of illogical arguments
http://www.informationisbeautiful.net/visualizations/rhetological-fallacies/
Is forgiveness the only path to healing?
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199907/must-you-forgive
Wonderful blog describing predatory behavior
http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/meet-the-predators/
Wounded Healer, this video will lighten your heart
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDLUR15Z9o8
Most predators do not believe they are 'like the others'.
http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/11/12/rapists-who-dont-think-theyre-rapists/
An amazing description of narcissists and how to develop 'nardar'.
http://www.angriesout.com/nardar.htm
David Barash's insightful information regarding male violence.
https://www.physics.ohio-state.edu/~wilkins/writing/Assign/so/male-violence.html
The originators of domestic violence research.
http://www.praxisinternational.org/default.aspx
Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit. Record your partners abusive behavior.
http://www.documenttheabuse.com/
Domestic Violence and Animals
http://www.americanhumane.org/interaction/support-the-bond/fact-sheets/animal-abuse-domestic-violence.html
Sexual Assault Hotline
http://www.rainn.org/
The dynamics of the empathic, sociopathic and apathetic population.
http://www.addictiontoday.org/addictiontoday/2013/10/empathy-trap-sociopath-triangle.html
Wealth of informational blogs.
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/
Author and DV Expert
http://www.lovefraud.com/
10 Signs of a Sociopath
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/07/dating-a-psychopath_n_4378946.html
Psychopath Free: Resources, Forums, Blogs
https://www.psychopathfree.com/
Advocating for Domestic Violence Victims Who Have Been Arrested For Domestic Violence
http://justicewomen.com/tips_dv_victims.html
Facebook Friend Verifier. Search your friends list for potential predators.
https://www.verifyanybody.com/mobilefv/#page2
Informational flashcards, a great guide to learning the dynamics of male violence.
http://quizlet.com/851290/dee-grahams-loving-to-survive-flash-cards/
www.hotpeachpages.net
Comprehensive List of Abuser Signs
www.drirene.com/verbal1.php
National US Domestic Violence Hotline
www.thehotline.org 800-799-7273
Romeo's Bleeding . Description of narcissistic behavior written by a therapist.
http://hcp.obgyn.net/pms-and-pmdd/content/article/1760982/1991311
Domestic Violence Research Center
http://www.uky.edu/CRVAW/index.htm
Website devoted to personality disorders
www.outofthefog.net
Gifted author on the subject of psychopat
www.psychopathawareness.com
A UK Website devoted to giving victims a voice
www.hiddenhurt.co.uk
The original power and control wheel
http://www.theduluthmodel.org/pdf/PowerandControl.pdf
An infographic depicting various forms of male violence
http://www.ncdsv.org/images/ManifestationsofViolenceUPDATED.pdf
The cycle of abuse
http://www.domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/
A short danger assessment
http://www.dangerassessment.org/uploads/pdf/DAEnglish2010.pdf
A simple safety plan, for more safety planning ideas, please read The Gift Of Fear
http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/SafetyPlan_130.html
Information on divorce and separation
http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/ofw/pdf/separation-divorce-information.pdf
Leslie Morgan Steiner: Why domestic violence victims don't leave
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1yW5IsnSjo
A comprehensive threat assessment
https://www.mosaicmethod.com/
It is imperative that we catalog domestic violence offenders
http://nationaldomesticviolenceregistry.wordpress.com/
The US Department of Justice's office on violence against women
http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/domviolence.htm
Domestic Violence Facts
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-chemaly/50-actual-facts-about-dom_b_2193904.html
Why can't women leave? The public generally believes in the myth that women are liars
http://sorayachemaly.tumblr.com/post/67465233148/how-we-teach-our-kids-that-women-are-liars
Excellent blog about divorcing a narcissist and the ensuing custody battle
http://onemomsbattle.com/
Author Sandra Brown and her research on why women love sociopaths, comprehensive information regarding sociopaths
http://www.cassiopaea.com/cassiopaea/cleckley-mos.htm
Useful information about predicting violence and using your intuition
http://pastorpauley.com/counseling/violence_prediction.htm
Infographic detailing the many fallacies of illogical arguments
http://www.informationisbeautiful.net/visualizations/rhetological-fallacies/
Is forgiveness the only path to healing?
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199907/must-you-forgive
Wonderful blog describing predatory behavior
http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/meet-the-predators/
Wounded Healer, this video will lighten your heart
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDLUR15Z9o8
Most predators do not believe they are 'like the others'.
http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/11/12/rapists-who-dont-think-theyre-rapists/
An amazing description of narcissists and how to develop 'nardar'.
http://www.angriesout.com/nardar.htm
David Barash's insightful information regarding male violence.
https://www.physics.ohio-state.edu/~wilkins/writing/Assign/so/male-violence.html
The originators of domestic violence research.
http://www.praxisinternational.org/default.aspx
Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit. Record your partners abusive behavior.
http://www.documenttheabuse.com/
Domestic Violence and Animals
http://www.americanhumane.org/interaction/support-the-bond/fact-sheets/animal-abuse-domestic-violence.html
Sexual Assault Hotline
http://www.rainn.org/
The dynamics of the empathic, sociopathic and apathetic population.
http://www.addictiontoday.org/addictiontoday/2013/10/empathy-trap-sociopath-triangle.html
Wealth of informational blogs.
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/
Author and DV Expert
http://www.lovefraud.com/
10 Signs of a Sociopath
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/07/dating-a-psychopath_n_4378946.html
Psychopath Free: Resources, Forums, Blogs
https://www.psychopathfree.com/
Advocating for Domestic Violence Victims Who Have Been Arrested For Domestic Violence
http://justicewomen.com/tips_dv_victims.html
Facebook Friend Verifier. Search your friends list for potential predators.
https://www.verifyanybody.com/mobilefv/#page2
Informational flashcards, a great guide to learning the dynamics of male violence.
http://quizlet.com/851290/dee-grahams-loving-to-survive-flash-cards/
Books
Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward
"Emotional blackmail is a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten, either directly or indirectly, to punish us if we don't do what they want… Our blackmailers make it nearly impossible to see how they're manipulating us, because they lay down a thick fog that obscures their actions. We'd fight back if we could, but they ensure that we literally can't see what is happening to us."
Susan Forward uses the acronym FOG to stand for fear, obligation, and guilt. These are the three tools of the blackmailer's trade, and most of us can't figure out how to escape them.
The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans
VERBAL ABUSE ENDANGERS PEOPLE:
• Verbal abuse creates a pretend world
• Verbal abuse ostracizes its victims and isolates them
• Verbal abuse denigrates and diminishes human beings
• Verbal abuse invades a person's inner world and self-definition
• Verbal abuse is kept hidden and seldom discussed
• Verbal abuse may seem normal to some
• Verbal abuse coerces people to protect perpetrators
The verbally abusive man often has an 'inside' self and an 'outside' self. He shows one self to the world. This is the persona or image, that he made up from the outside in. It is his outside self.
His 'inside' self is the one that appears when the world is shut out. Then it is just him and him in you, so to speak. As if there is only one mind, his, in the room and so of course he knows what you are, what you are 'trying to do' and even how sensitive you are.
Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft
“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways in which he has been good to her. Friends say: “He treats you that way because he can get away with it. I would never let someone treat me that way.” But she knows that the times when she puts her foot down the most firmly, he responds by becoming his angriest and most intimidating. When she stands up to him, he makes her pay for it—sooner or later. Friends say: “Leave him.” But she knows it won’t be that easy. He will promise to change. He’ll get friends and relatives to feel sorry for him and pressure her to give him another chance. He’ll get severely depressed, causing her to worry whether he’ll be all right. And, depending on what style of abuser he is, she may know that he will become dangerous when she tries to leave him. She may even be concerned that he will try to take her children away from her, as some abusers do.”
The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout
“A part of a healthy conscience is being able to confront consciencelessness. When you teach your daughter, explicitly or by passive rejection, that she must ignore her outrage, that she must be kind and accepting to the point of not defending herself or other people, that she must not rock the boat for any reason, you are NOT strengthening her posocial sense, you are damaging it-and the first person she will stop protecting is herself.”
Trauma and Recovery Judith Herman
“In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure no one listens.”
"The perpetrator’s first goal appears to be the enslavement of his victim, and he accomplishes this goal by exercising despotic control over every aspect of the victim’s life. But simple compliance rarely satisfies him; he appears to have a psychological need to justify his crimes, and for this he needs the victim’s affirmation. Thus he relentlessly demands from his victims professions of respect, gratitude, or even love. His ultimate goal appears to be the creation of a willing victim….The desire for total control over another person is the common denominator of all forms of tyranny. Totalitarian governments demand confession and political conversion of their victims. Slaveholders demand gratitude of their slaves…Perpetrators of domestic battery demand that their victims prove complete obedience and loyalty by sacrificing all other relationships. Sex offenders demand that their victims find sexual fulfillment in submission. Total control over another person is the power dynamic at the heart of pornography. The erotic appeal of this fantasy to millions of terrifyingly normal men fosters an immense industry in which women and children are abused, not in fantasy but in reality."
Loving To Survive by Dee Graham
"A number of mechanisms make it difficult to separate psychologically from the abuser following prolonged captivity. . . In any case, living without the abuser, and thus without a sense of oneself, is experienced by the victim as a threat to psychic survival. Loss of their only "friend" and of self as experienced through the abuser's eyes requires victims to take a leap into a terrifying unknown, which is difficult even for people in healthy environments.It is considerably more difficult for someone whose survival depends on the fragile feelings of predictability and control produced by cognitive distortions and the whims of a terrorist.
The victims' feelings that the abuser may return to "get" them another time, and that this time the abuser might not be so nice (i.e., might not let them live), serves to keep the victims loyal to the abuser long after the ordeal is over. . . .
The need to master the terror created by the hostage-taking experience may keep the victim in the terrorizing situation for a longer time than would otherwise be necessary."
Right Wing Woman by Andrea Dworkin
“The accounts of rape, wife beating, forced childbearing, medical butchering, sex-motivated murder, forced prostitution, physical mutilation, sadistic psychological abuse, and other commonplaces of female experience that are excavated from the past or given by contemporary survivors should leave the heart seared, the mind in anguish, the conscience in upheaval. But they do not. No matter how often these stories are told, with whatever clarity or eloquence, bitterness or sorrow, they might as well have been whispered in wind or written in sand: they disappear, as if they were nothing. The tellers and the stories are ignored or ridiculed, threatened back into silence or destroyed, and the experience of female suffering is buried in cultural invisibility and contempt… the very reality of abuse sustained by women, despite its overwhelming pervasiveness and constancy, is negated. It is negated in the transactions of everyday life, and it is negated in the history books, left out, and it is negated by those who claim to care about suffering but are blind to this suffering."
Against Our Will by Susan Brown Miller
"Man's discovery that his genitalia could serve as a weapon to prehistoric times, along with the use of fire and the first crude stone axe. From prehistoric times to the present, I believe, rape has played a critical function. It is nothing more or less than a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear."
"Emotional blackmail is a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten, either directly or indirectly, to punish us if we don't do what they want… Our blackmailers make it nearly impossible to see how they're manipulating us, because they lay down a thick fog that obscures their actions. We'd fight back if we could, but they ensure that we literally can't see what is happening to us."
Susan Forward uses the acronym FOG to stand for fear, obligation, and guilt. These are the three tools of the blackmailer's trade, and most of us can't figure out how to escape them.
The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans
VERBAL ABUSE ENDANGERS PEOPLE:
• Verbal abuse creates a pretend world
• Verbal abuse ostracizes its victims and isolates them
• Verbal abuse denigrates and diminishes human beings
• Verbal abuse invades a person's inner world and self-definition
• Verbal abuse is kept hidden and seldom discussed
• Verbal abuse may seem normal to some
• Verbal abuse coerces people to protect perpetrators
The verbally abusive man often has an 'inside' self and an 'outside' self. He shows one self to the world. This is the persona or image, that he made up from the outside in. It is his outside self.
His 'inside' self is the one that appears when the world is shut out. Then it is just him and him in you, so to speak. As if there is only one mind, his, in the room and so of course he knows what you are, what you are 'trying to do' and even how sensitive you are.
Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft
“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways in which he has been good to her. Friends say: “He treats you that way because he can get away with it. I would never let someone treat me that way.” But she knows that the times when she puts her foot down the most firmly, he responds by becoming his angriest and most intimidating. When she stands up to him, he makes her pay for it—sooner or later. Friends say: “Leave him.” But she knows it won’t be that easy. He will promise to change. He’ll get friends and relatives to feel sorry for him and pressure her to give him another chance. He’ll get severely depressed, causing her to worry whether he’ll be all right. And, depending on what style of abuser he is, she may know that he will become dangerous when she tries to leave him. She may even be concerned that he will try to take her children away from her, as some abusers do.”
The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout
“A part of a healthy conscience is being able to confront consciencelessness. When you teach your daughter, explicitly or by passive rejection, that she must ignore her outrage, that she must be kind and accepting to the point of not defending herself or other people, that she must not rock the boat for any reason, you are NOT strengthening her posocial sense, you are damaging it-and the first person she will stop protecting is herself.”
Trauma and Recovery Judith Herman
“In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure no one listens.”
"The perpetrator’s first goal appears to be the enslavement of his victim, and he accomplishes this goal by exercising despotic control over every aspect of the victim’s life. But simple compliance rarely satisfies him; he appears to have a psychological need to justify his crimes, and for this he needs the victim’s affirmation. Thus he relentlessly demands from his victims professions of respect, gratitude, or even love. His ultimate goal appears to be the creation of a willing victim….The desire for total control over another person is the common denominator of all forms of tyranny. Totalitarian governments demand confession and political conversion of their victims. Slaveholders demand gratitude of their slaves…Perpetrators of domestic battery demand that their victims prove complete obedience and loyalty by sacrificing all other relationships. Sex offenders demand that their victims find sexual fulfillment in submission. Total control over another person is the power dynamic at the heart of pornography. The erotic appeal of this fantasy to millions of terrifyingly normal men fosters an immense industry in which women and children are abused, not in fantasy but in reality."
Loving To Survive by Dee Graham
"A number of mechanisms make it difficult to separate psychologically from the abuser following prolonged captivity. . . In any case, living without the abuser, and thus without a sense of oneself, is experienced by the victim as a threat to psychic survival. Loss of their only "friend" and of self as experienced through the abuser's eyes requires victims to take a leap into a terrifying unknown, which is difficult even for people in healthy environments.It is considerably more difficult for someone whose survival depends on the fragile feelings of predictability and control produced by cognitive distortions and the whims of a terrorist.
The victims' feelings that the abuser may return to "get" them another time, and that this time the abuser might not be so nice (i.e., might not let them live), serves to keep the victims loyal to the abuser long after the ordeal is over. . . .
The need to master the terror created by the hostage-taking experience may keep the victim in the terrorizing situation for a longer time than would otherwise be necessary."
Right Wing Woman by Andrea Dworkin
“The accounts of rape, wife beating, forced childbearing, medical butchering, sex-motivated murder, forced prostitution, physical mutilation, sadistic psychological abuse, and other commonplaces of female experience that are excavated from the past or given by contemporary survivors should leave the heart seared, the mind in anguish, the conscience in upheaval. But they do not. No matter how often these stories are told, with whatever clarity or eloquence, bitterness or sorrow, they might as well have been whispered in wind or written in sand: they disappear, as if they were nothing. The tellers and the stories are ignored or ridiculed, threatened back into silence or destroyed, and the experience of female suffering is buried in cultural invisibility and contempt… the very reality of abuse sustained by women, despite its overwhelming pervasiveness and constancy, is negated. It is negated in the transactions of everyday life, and it is negated in the history books, left out, and it is negated by those who claim to care about suffering but are blind to this suffering."
Against Our Will by Susan Brown Miller
"Man's discovery that his genitalia could serve as a weapon to prehistoric times, along with the use of fire and the first crude stone axe. From prehistoric times to the present, I believe, rape has played a critical function. It is nothing more or less than a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear."
Support Groups
www.linkedin.com
www.livejournal.com
www.facebook.com
http://answers.yahoo.com
Google +
Local Health and Human Services
Local YMCA
Local Abused Persons Program
Local Family Justice Center
Please note that it is best to use an anonymous profile, separate email and separate computer for online media. It is still possible that with precautions your online activity will feed to the public.
www.livejournal.com
www.facebook.com
http://answers.yahoo.com
Google +
Local Health and Human Services
Local YMCA
Local Abused Persons Program
Local Family Justice Center
Please note that it is best to use an anonymous profile, separate email and separate computer for online media. It is still possible that with precautions your online activity will feed to the public.
50 Facts About Domestic Violence by Soroya Chemaly
Sunday was the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and the launch of this year's 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence. In the time it takes me to write this paragraph, 26 people -- given our statistics probably all women -- will be assaulted by an intimate partner in the U.S. In the roughly 48 hours between my writing and posting, at least six women in the US and hundreds if not thousands around the world will be killed by violent spouses. So, what does it mean that Republicans in Congress have degraded and continue to hold up passage of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) for the first time since 1994?
According to an exhaustively comprehensive study, the U.S. is squarely in the middle of the global pack as far as the physical safety of women is concerned, and a large part of the reason why is our high rates of intimate partner and domestic violence. And, yes, I am putting our country in the same area of comparison as the rest of the world.
According to an exhaustively comprehensive study, the U.S. is squarely in the middle of the global pack as far as the physical safety of women is concerned, and a large part of the reason why is our high rates of intimate partner and domestic violence. And, yes, I am putting our country in the same area of comparison as the rest of the world.
- Number of U.S. troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq: 6,614:
- Number of women, in the same period, killed as the result of domestic violence in the US: 11,766
- Number of people per minute who experience intimate partner violence in the U.S.: 24
- Number of workplace violence incidents in the U.S. annually that are the result of current or past intimate partner assaults: 18,700